


Scars

by tsubasakinomoto



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inner Dialogue, Insecurity, Post-Canon, Psychological Trauma, Romance, Scars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28089903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsubasakinomoto/pseuds/tsubasakinomoto
Summary: It's a new world. Syaoran, Mokona, Fai and Kurogane continue their journey to search for a way to bring Sakura and Syaoran back. Fai point of view about his feelings for Kurogane.
Relationships: Fay D. Fluorite/Kurogane, Kurogane/Fai
Kudos: 13





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Be aware of the spoilers! The story takes place after the end of the Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle and Tsubasa World Chronicle.

The day was coming to an end and the dimensional family was in a new world. The climate of that place was cool and very pleasant. The breeze was cold, but it wasn't freezing. That was a world filled with beautiful seas and lush beaches. Across all the horizon that one looked at you could see the immensity of the blue sea and it was really beautiful. That was the first day in the new world, they came to this land to find a way to bring Syaoran and Sakura back. Syaoran was very determined to rescue them, after all, those two meant a lot to the young man. In fact, for everyone in the family. So everyone was very determinated.

Kurogane was sitting on the balcony of the small hut that the travelers rented for the night. The place was very small and had only one bedroom, but it didn't matter to them. The four were used to sleeping together and none of them admitted - except for Mokona - that they actually enjoy that. Fai leaned against the doorframe and looked towards the man who was sitting a few meters in front of him. The ninja had his back to Fai and was watching the clear, dark sky. He wore sweatpants (A strange but comfortable garment. Typical of that world) and was shirtless, so the entire upper part of his body was exposed. Kurogane had a muscular body, with broad shoulders and tanned skin that gave him an imposing and very attrative appearence. Fai also thought that his spiky black hair perfectly matched his rustic style. The magician loved to spend hours watching the ninja in silence.

At first when they were just strangers traveling together, Fai cautiously watched the ninja in order to analyze his strength and find possible loopholes he could use against him later. After all, they were enemies. However with the passage of time, even if they still remained theoretically enemies, Fai no longer observed him for such purposes. His gaze became to charged with lust and desire. Ever since he realized that the ninja was an honest and easily irked person, the magician felt a strange need to tease him as much as possible...to be close to him...to touch him when had the chance.

Even after the Tokyo events, when Fai felt extremely miserable for being made a vampire at the expense of Kurogane's blood and he had decided not to get involved more than necessary with him, the magician armored himself behind the facade of indifference, but continued to watch him. Fai feelings were very confused at the time and he felt admiration, gratitude, guilt, anger, sadness, fear and desire for Kurogane all at the same time. It was unbearable. At that time, every time the blonde fed on Kurogane's blood he needed to strive to suppress his destructive urges to want to **love and destroy** that man. 

The most of these destructive feelings passed after the events with Ashura-ô and Celes Country, in which Kurogane had almost died to save Fai and was the first time that the magician realized that the ninja really appreciated him. " _That man...he really was serious about giving his life for me...I don't understand...Why would he do that..._ " It was all Fai could think while he was waiting for Kurogane to wake up in Nihon Country. When he heard that Kurogane was no longer at risk for his life, all he wanted to do was hug him. However when he actually met the ninja, what he did was give him a payback punch. Even so, the two of them knew that that punch meant many things, less anger or resentment.

Fai's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Kurogane moved in the balcony. The ninja had not looked back or said anything, but Fai knew he was aware of his presence. That was how things are between them now, they didn't need a lot of words as long as they were sure that the other part was fine, that was enough. Kurogane helped himself to the sake that was on a tray beside him. With his attention awake, Fai looked at Kurogane body again.

“ _These scars... I've seen them so many times and I still can't get used to it. And how could I do it? After all, most of them were my fault..._ ” - Fai ended his thought with a wistful smile on his lips and began to feel depressed. It is not that Fai is always depressed. Ever since the search of Sakura's feathers and the battle against Fei Wong Reed was over, Fai felt free and truly happy. Without Fei's shadow chasing after them this time, the family could enjoy the journey to have fun too.

Fai no longer felt self-hatred or guilty for being happy. He was satisfied to be able to be useful to his fellow travelers. His culinary skills left him in charge of being responsible for cooking and it was also responsible for cleaning. Of course that Fai usually forced Kurogane to help him and Syaoran and Mokona always helped even if no one asked. In addition, there was also the fact that he could now use his magic freely and therefore also helped in combat when necessary. But the blonde preferred to leave the fights to Kurogane. Despite all the jokes and teasing that Fai did because of the aggressive side of the ninja, he knew that the brunette felt down for not fighting as much as before. He was a warrior after all and his bloodline demanded the use of the sword just as the human body needed food to survive.

So, even though he felt good most of the time, every time Fai looked at Kurogane's body, the countless scars that marked his skin and the artificial arm, the blonde felt depressed and guilty. Fai knew that the deepest and most painful scars on Kurogane's body were caused by him and it broke him inside. Kurogane become considerably weaker after killing Ashura-ô and amputating his own arm in order to save Fai from dying in Celes Country, and even so, the ninja always told the magician that this was his own choice and that Fai didn't needed to feel guilty about nothing. However, the blonde knew that deep down Kurogane felt uncomfortable that his strength had waned. He knew because he has been watching the brunette for so long that he is able to notice the subtle changes in the ninja's expressions. He could tell at a glance if Kurogane was feeling happy or angry, sleepy or hungry. In recent times, Fai could say that he had become something of an expert in interpreting the other man's actions. Of course that Kurogane was also like that with Fai.

The relationship between the two men was very ambiguous. The ninja clearly expressed his desire to get closer to Fai and on several occasions he asked the magician if he would like to stay with him. Fai generally avoided responding and after a while Kurogane stopped asking it. Nonetheless as much as Fai never said anything, he had the same desire. He loved Kurogane more than anything and he had been aware of these feelings for a long time. But he doesn't have the courage to take this further and did not feel he deserved to receive more affection from the other man. " _It's fine this way_ " the blonde said to himself. Kurogane was always serious and unforgiving to the same extent that he was also loyal and protective and that was exactly what scared Fai the most. " _How far could he go to help me? He has come so close to death so many times..._ " Fai feared. Insecurity was something that Fai could not help feeling, especially when he thought of this type of thing.

" _Hey_ " - a familiar voice awakens Fai from his depressed daydreams. When the blonde realized, Kurogane was looking at him with a concerning expression on his face.

**Continue...**


End file.
